Hello again faithful minions. Here at the ButtPoo Corp. we make it our daily objective to generally disrupt and abuse the fabric of decent society. Most notably the types that have a positive outlook on life and believe in things such as "peace" and "freedom". These people think that not only do they have a surplus of human rights, but that they actually deserve them. Too much freedom and what do you get? Another Vegan straight-edge with a fixed gear bike, rolled up tight jeans, gauged ears, a military hat and a shoulder bag. People are getting too comfortable thinking they should be celebrated as independent, open-minded individuals, even though they all think and dress the same anyway. Sure, we vigorously promote thoughtlessness and complacency, but not to the pathetic degree that people are actually doing it.
With the recent streak of socially tolerant attitudes that's plaguing our country, we feel it's necessary to aid in your anti-social disruption of the community at large. But back to "Tolerance" for a moment. Why would one ever want to tolerate the beliefs, lifestyle, or presence of another person? What ever happened to hate, fear and closed mindedness? It is our goal to use this idea of "tolerance" to help spread our message of intolerance. Tolerate Oppression, it has a nice ring to it. And since you've been doing it from the second you were born, you might as well keep it official and use the stickers to serve as a reminder to the often forgetful public.
Stick them on poles, vehicles, billboards, churches, sleeping bums, coffee shops and where ever else you deem fit. People don't like to be reminded of misery and mifortune, so remind them. Hopefully it will ruin their day and crush their fragile soul a little further. $2 for a stack, details at the bottom.
Now let's examine a few more ideas that should aggravate your community.
Lets start with these purple and yellow equality stickers. Here's a simple way to put the "dis" in "respect".
Simply take a 3 inch piece of Yellow 1/2" electrical tape. Place it diagonally over the sticker in 'forward slash' position and...
Bingo! Inequality. Now that's an idea I can get behind. I'm sure by now you're all up in arms about this being "anti-gay". So before you drop your gluten-free enema, I suppose it is a good time to shed some light on the ButtPoo philosophy. We here at the ButtPoo Corp. express a non-discriminatory hatred towards all races, cultures, and creeds. Whether one be white, black, Indian, gay, straight, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, and all the rest, they are viewed with an equal amount of disgust. The beliefs and traditions of any individual or group aren't worth more than the bloody diarrhea I was forced to take on Gordon B. Hinkley's grave. In fact, if the gay community feels we would go out of our way to discriminate them then they are simply flattering themselves. Therefore making them feel they deserve special discrimination, which they do not. They cause the bile to rise to the tongue just as much as suburban families and people who support college football. So to summarize, The ButtPoo Corp.'s extreme contempt for humanity sees no color. For all are excrement in the eyes of the mighty and majestic ButtPoo Corp. And making an equality symbol say "inequal" will just plain upset people, increasing selfishness and loathing by 15%.
A quick side note: Although the Buttpoo Corp. discriminates equally, you are still quite unequal as we use a rich/poor, smart/stupid scale to contain our demographics. We tend to target the rich/smart section, because they give us money. The poor/smart/stupid section still gives us money, just not as much and not as willingly. Now that we've cleared that up, back to business.
If you really want to make a serious political statement you will need simply a can of white and red spray paint. Go to any STOP sign you see and stop there. Spray over the ST with red.
After drying, spray a PO where the ST was.
Voila! Now the stop sign says POOP! A humble act of vandalism and possible cause of accidents at best.
Now you got these COEXIST stickers. What the hell are these things? Why would anyone want to "coexist" with a christian, a jew, a muslim or any of those other lousy religions. Those are some of the worst subgenres of humans yet. Under no circumstance should one ever tolerate another's religion. A lower transgression I cannot name, aside from breaking up one's Ramen noodles before cooking. Slap a tolerate oppression sticker over it and get a much better point across.
There, now doesn't that look better?
Remember kids; The Buttpoo Corp. finds every aspect of the human condition quite repulsive, except for your hideous ability to be manipulated and your willingness to give money to organizations in which you've been manipulated into supporting, a trait that the ButtPoo Corp has taken full advantage of (remember to send in your money for stickers)!
With these simple tips you will help affect strife, indifference, and discord throughout the community. And after all, isn't hating everyone equally the first step towards true equality?
Yours truly, wishing I had a pillow to scream in,
- Nameless ButtPoo Intern #4775
ADVERT:
Since you're all doing it anyway, you might as well remind yourselves and others from forgetting to tolerate oppression. Send in $2 for a stack of stickers. Help enlighten your neighborhood by helping them realize there is no enlightenment.
