MERRY 6/16!!

The day is upon us! As we all know 616 is the holy Buttpoo day in which we sacrifice the drugs of our choice to the gods of the Buttpoo pantheon by incinerating the chosen drugs between 2 hot kneeves and inhaling them through a broken glass bottle. So remember to enjoy your marijuana, pcp, and various other narcotics in the name of Chief Iron Lung, Phlangies the Merciless, Felxtch the Irate, Rogzardo and the lesser tyrants under the shadow of the mighty Ice Rhombus. Forgetting to offer your sacrament to the Mighty Ones will surely result in a torturous wrath the likes of which are inconceivable to mortal man.

It is my personal assurance that the Dark Lormbf and Ctwatsah wish you a most unhappy time for this holiday season. And they forced me to remind you to keep your chip and beer supplies high as they plan to invade and assault many homes this day.

Have a happy holiday for me as I have been made to work today and will be eating the sulfur deposits off several of the ButtPoo Corp's massive uranium mines.

"Happy" Holidays!

Yours truly, praying again for death,

           - Nameless Buttpoo Intern #4775

PS-Today would be a great day to begin applying the lessons from yesterday's post.;)

CELEBRATING EXCREMENT: 13 Simple tips for a better you!

Hello there faithful ButtPoo minions. As a Nameless Intern here at the ButtPoo Corporation it is my responsibility to expose you to the common beliefs and ideals that the ButtPoo community at large shares and imposes unto others.

Since this is the first lesson we will keep it relatively simple. Taken directly from the 13 Commandments of the Rogzardian Orthodox sect, these are the guidelines that any true Buttpootheist must strictly adhere to. Learn these guidelines well and start putting them to practice. You'll find them to be an excellent guide to your moral code.

GOOD :)                         

Sin

Death

Fear

Alienation

Isolation

Hoarding

BAD :(

Grace

Life

Courage

Freedom

Welcome

Community

Sharing

It can't get much simpler than that. We suggest practicing these at home, in the workplace and anywhere you see fit. It may take some bridge burning, but once you master the use of these principals you will be well on your path to achieving a truly ButtPootheistic way of life. As we all know, anyone who embraces grace, life, community, sharing, courage or freedom is obviously a sick, sick individual that the Buttpoo corp, (therefore you) should want nothing to do with, aside from assaulting that is. 

(Helpful hint: Make sure to force these ideals upon your children at an early age.)

Once these become habit, they are particularly handy when initiating rule number 3 of the ButtPoo Handbook: The ButtPoo Corp. is under obligation to ruin another's good time. Including, but not limited to, parties, barmitzvahs, funerals, dinner, movies, etc. Use of these in public will surely affect the nice atmosphere enjoyed by others. Need help getting started? Find someone wearing a V-neck undershirt with a gay hipster tattoo on their chest, approach them, and proceed to insult them. The urine/feces streaming down your leg will usually be enough to keep them from wanting to enter a physical altercation with you.

Anyone who adheres to any of the structures in the BAD list will need to be informed of their folly with a brutal verbal and/or physical assault (note: Always use physical).

Pin them to your wall, read them every time you leave the house. Apply them.

Now get started! We have a real treat for you next week! And don't forget to get those knives hot, 6/16 is tomorrow!

Yours truly, concerned about the infectious growth on leg,

         -Nameless Buttpoo Intern #4775